五年级上英语幽默故事

Without you,my world began to dim;without you,my way forward was so obscure and vague.I regretted that last night I didn't cherish you well.So today--I have to buy another pair of glasses to take your place. 

失去你后，我的世界暗淡起来，没有你，我的前路竟然是那样模糊、茫然。我后悔昨晚没能好好珍惜你，今天我只能再去――买副眼镜代替你。 

Not every flower symbolize for love, but rose can do it; not every tree can stand thirst, but alamo can do it, not every pig can read short message, but you can do it. congratulations! 

不是每一朵花都能代表爱情，但是玫瑰做到了；不是每一种树都能耐住干渴，但是白杨做到了；不是每一头猪都能看短消息，但是你做到了。恭喜你！ 

You may fall from mountain, you may fall from tree, but the best way to fall, is fall to my love. 

1 day u'll B surprised 2C ME beside U. U & Me laughing, U&Me crying, U & Me dreaming, U & Me holding on, U & Me...just U & Me sitting in a MENTAL & ME CHECKING U. 

一天你会很惊讶的发现我出现在你身边。你我一起欢笑，一起哭泣，一起梦想，依偎在一起，一起……只不过是你我一起坐在精神病院里并且我（医生）给你（精神病人）做检查。 

Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said. 

有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。 

Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said, Let me try world peace. 

然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。” 

Every morning I pray 2 God that 
everybody should get a friend like u, 
... 

每天早晨我都向上帝祷告：希望每个人都能够拥有像你这样的朋友…… 

Why should I be the only to 
suffer... 

为什么只有我要忍受有你这样的朋友？ 

If u hide, I'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, I'll search 4 you. If u'll leave, I'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, I'll fight 4 u. 

如果你躲起来，我会去找你。如果你不见了，我会寻觅你。如果你离开了，我会等你。如果日子会把你带走，我会为你战斗。 

But, if u stop sending msgs, I'll kill you. 

但是，如果你停止发短信息，我会宰了你。 

Logic Reasoning 

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. 

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin 
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" 

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 

逻辑推理 

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” 

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。 

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? 

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. 

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? 

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 

林肯过生日 

老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？ 

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。 

老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？ 

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。 

（一） 

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 

老师说：Go ahead。小明就坐了下来。 

过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 

老师说：Go ahead。小明又坐了下来。 

他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 

小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！ 

（二） 

一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“ 

SAY I LOVEYOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!” 

男的答道：“I T!” 

（三） 

一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张， 

看到地上标线是向左转。 

他不放心的问道：turn left？ 

监考官回答:right。于是他立刻向右转…… 

（四） 

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 

忙说：I am sorry。 

老外应道：I am sorry too。 

某人听后又道：I am sorry three。 

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five。 

1 
调查员:What is your father"s name? 

: 小 弟:Happy!! 

: 调查员:What is your mother"s name? 

: 小 弟:Smile! 

: 调查员:Are you joking? 

: 小 弟:No!!That"s my sister!! I am Kidding!!