初一水平幽默的英语故事
- 作者: 虹之殇
- 来源: 数月亮
- 2021-08-01
1.和买驴的人
A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to
test him first. So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.
The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in
the stable. When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to
his owner. The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have
you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the
companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."
中文：一个买主到市场上去买驴，他看中一头外表不错的驴，但是他想要牵走试一试。他把驴牵回家，放
在自己其他的驴之间，这驴四处看看，立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边。于是，买驴的人立刻给那头驴套
上辔头，牵去还给驴的卖主。卖主感到很奇怪，他问买主：“你怎么这么快就回来了？”买主说：“不必
再试了，从他所选择什么样的朋友来看，我已经知道他是什么样了。”
2.The Looney Bin
疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对
我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
3.A mother mouse
老鼠的第二语言也重要
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she
spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and
the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat
was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you
understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
My Future What do I want to do when I’m older? Someone wants to be a doctor. Someone wants to be a basketball player because they are good at sport. Someone wants to be a writer and to make the writing. Someone wants to be a teacher because they like teaching children. I like playing the piano and I good at it. So I want to become a piano player. Play the piano is very interesting. And you can learn something of music. Piano can make you like music. A lot of musician and singer are love playing piano. I play the piano when I’m ten years old. Now I’m in grand five. I hope when I’m sixteen years old , I can become grand eight. I’ll be harder and harder to practise. Become a piano play is a hard job. But I believe I can do it.
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
猫和老鼠
布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
1.CLINTON'S BIGGEST BILL
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" exclaims the President.
"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?"
"Just go ahead and pay it."
2.A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!"
...The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.
3.ORDERING DINNER
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to
test him first. So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.
The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in
the stable. When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to
his owner. The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have
you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the
companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."
中文：一个买主到市场上去买驴，他看中一头外表不错的驴，但是他想要牵走试一试。他把驴牵回家，放
在自己其他的驴之间，这驴四处看看，立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边。于是，买驴的人立刻给那头驴套
上辔头，牵去还给驴的卖主。卖主感到很奇怪，他问买主：“你怎么这么快就回来了？”买主说：“不必
再试了，从他所选择什么样的朋友来看，我已经知道他是什么样了。”
2.The Looney Bin
疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对
我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
3.A mother mouse
老鼠的第二语言也重要
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she
spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and
the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat
was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you
understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
My Future What do I want to do when I’m older? Someone wants to be a doctor. Someone wants to be a basketball player because they are good at sport. Someone wants to be a writer and to make the writing. Someone wants to be a teacher because they like teaching children. I like playing the piano and I good at it. So I want to become a piano player. Play the piano is very interesting. And you can learn something of music. Piano can make you like music. A lot of musician and singer are love playing piano. I play the piano when I’m ten years old. Now I’m in grand five. I hope when I’m sixteen years old , I can become grand eight. I’ll be harder and harder to practise. Become a piano play is a hard job. But I believe I can do it.
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
猫和老鼠
布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
1.CLINTON'S BIGGEST BILL
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" exclaims the President.
"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?"
"Just go ahead and pay it."
2.A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "Asshole!"
...The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.
3.ORDERING DINNER
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
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