英语幽默故事 短篇

hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. the boss finally found him fast asleep. rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "as long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. but as soon as you wake up, you're fired."

我的同事有好几小时不见人了。我们疯了地到处找他。最后老板发现，他正在睡大觉。没叫醒他，老板悄无声息地在我的同事的胸前放了个纸条。“睡觉时”，条上写着，“你是我的员工，醒来你就不是了。”

2.shave head 刮头

recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "eight dollars," i answered. "and for a shave?" "five dollars." "all right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "shave my head."

前些日子，有一男的来到我的理发店，问剪一个头要多少钱。

“八美元，”我告诉他。

“那，刮次胡子呢？”

“五美元”。

“那行”，那男的边说边坐到了理发椅上，“来，给我刮刮头吧”。

3.the mean man's party 吝啬鬼请客 　　the notorious cheap skate finally decided to

　　the notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "come up to 5m and ring the doorbell with your elbow. when the door open, push with your foot."

　　"why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"well, gosh," was the reply, "you are not coming empty-handed, are you?"

　　一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

　　“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

　　“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

3.poisonous snakes 毒蛇

a father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. the son asks, "dad，are we poisonous snakes?" the father replies proudly, "yes son, we are rattler snakes! why do you ask son?" "because dad, i just bit my tongue!!"

一个阳光明媚的下午，蛇父亲和蛇儿子出去散步。儿子问：“爸爸，我们是毒蛇吗？”父亲得意的答道：“当然了，孩子，我们是响尾蛇啊！为什么这么问呢？”“因为，我刚把舌头咬破了！”