英语幽默小故事简短

Talking clock
　　会说话的钟
　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

　　这是第一篇~
　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

　　Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
　　"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
　　四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝 并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
　　呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

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　　英文幽默三字经
人之初：at the begining of life.
性本善：sex is good.
性相近：basically,all the sex are same.
习相远：but it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教：if you do not practise all the time.
性乃迁：sex will leave you..


教之道：the way of learning it
贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person.

昔孟母：once a great mother, mrs meng
择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.

子不学：if you don't study hard,
断机杼：your dick will become useless.

窦燕山 dou, the famous
有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine
教五子 all his five son took it
名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well...英文幽默三字经
人之初：at the begining of life.
性本善：sex is good.
性相近：basically,all the sex are same.
习相远：but it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教：if you do not practise all the time.
性乃迁：sex will leave you..

教之道：the way of learning it
贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person.

昔孟母：once a great mother, mrs meng
择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.

子不学：if you don't study hard,
断机杼：your dick will become useless.

窦燕山 dou, the famous
有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine
教五子 all his five son took it
名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown.

养不教 if your children don't know how to do it,
父之过 it is all your fault.
教不严 if they had lots of problems with it,
师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.

子不学 you may refuse to study this
非所宜 but that is a real mistake
幼不学 if you don't learn it in childhood,
老何为 you will lose your ability when aged

玉不琢 if you don't exercise your dick,
不成器 it won't become hard and strong.
人不学 if you don't learn sex,
不知义 you can by no means enjoy its sweetness

second language
a mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. she watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

mother mouse barked fiercely, "woof, woof, woof!" the cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”